My friend Bill Stonehouse sings there almost every Saturday night.  Like all of his fans, I adore him.  He’s exciting to watch because you can tell he’s having a really good time.

    A girlfirend I had not seen in months met me at the lounge.  Treggie’s on team Stonehouse, too!  We were there for hours before we knew it. We sang along with Bill, and later we danced along with Bill and his stunning wife Melissa. I am smiling as I type this, recalling the highlights of the night.  Most of them revolve arond the dancing part of the evening.  We really cut up!

   An unexpected highlight was my being invited to sing at the Voodoo. I had not rehearsed.  I didn’t bring along my backing tracks as I used to do with Bill.  I only wanted to enjoy the show. 

    Bill had me covered.  He had saved the tracks he’d downloaded when I sang with him on New Year’s Eve.  He said I should sing the 3 songs cued up and ready to go on his computer.

    I accepted Bill’s offer.  I am always happy happy happy to sing, so it was a big thrill for me.  I sang, Temptation, then Smooth Operator, and then The Wave.  No slip ups, no lyrics forgotten.   Again, I was asked to sing more, but I had given patrons all Bill and I had.

    What happened after that?  Just more good times with friends, and appreciation for talented artists passionate and fully dedicated to their careers.  Great artists like big, bad Bill.

–JOHN MAXWELL

I am in a good position to blog about experiencing fear, and going on with the show anyway. Read on friends, and you’ll understand why.

I was out of my comfort zone Thursday night at the Durham Performing Arts Center.  The Triangle Community Foundation was celebrating its 25th anniversary that night. I was invited to open the program…  singing GOTTA BE THIS OR THAT , and GET HAPPY .  The latter song was one that I had NEVER sang in public. The former, I’d done once in my life.

I know there has to be a first time for everything..  But this was not the group to be in front of– "trying out" a song.

This particular audience included some of the big movers and shakers in the community.  Everyone who contributed to the anniversary celebration needed to bring his or her "A" game.  Don’t get this twisted:  I got through my two songs, and though I may have looked happy and gay.. I was not in reality moving and grooving with the greatest of ease and comfort.

That is a feeling I hope not to feel again any time soon.

Just before I was scheduled to take the spotlight.. I revealed to my accompanist and voice coach that I had forgotten some of the words to GET HAPPY during the rehearsal.  I told her it was the reason I left her hanging during one verse of the song.  I tried to play it off… said I did not hear my cue during the practice run.  She closed the door on me saying, "Forget your troubles."

So there was that .  Here’s something else that didn’t help:

The group of wonderful people I was supposed to entertain, sat up perfectly straight and and just stared at me.  They never clapped a hand, tapped a foot, or popped a finger during my performance. Not that I could see anyway.

Boy, I could have used that kind of support from somebody, anybody– but it was not to be.

So I danced between the tables.. Touched a few shoulders and ended up on the stage for the big finish to GET HAPPY.

I am happy that I got a warm round of applause and then later some fine fine compliments about my performance.

Many said they were stunned to find out that I sang, and perhaps that helps to explain some of the blank stares.

I don’t mind being outside my comfort zone… I get that that’s growth.  I just want to feel 100 percent comfortable with my songs when I sing, that’s all. Always.

"One person can make a difference, and every person should try."

–John F. Kennedy

This week I was especially touched when I performed before wounded veterans at the VA Hospital in Durham.

There were not quite as many women and men in attendance.   They told me some of the patients just wanted to sleep in, and wished that entertainers would come at night.

I show up around 10:00am, and set up for my little show that begins at 10:30.  That’s not too too early, but heck, I totally understand.  Truth be told, I love love love sleeping in, too!

That’s not even the thing that stuck with me after my visit this time.  Not even close.  This time, for the first time, I really looked in to the eyes– not just the faces– THE EYES — of the veterans in front of me.

The reactions to me and my singing are all over the place.  They are just as varied as the men and women who for a time, must consider the hospital their home.  They are young, old, black, white, able to walk, in wheelchairs, sighted and blind, hazy, lucid.  You get the gist.

I made a point to make direct and sustained eye contact with these American heroes as I sang to them.

Some of what I saw hurt my heart, and some of  what I could see made my heart sing.

I think I could tell the ones who’ve been through pure hell and back and still suffer.

I saw a depth of sadness that I am doubting will ever fully fade.   Some of the men I am fairly certain have seen some stuff a civilian mind can not fathom.  Others clap and smile broadly, clearly loving the music — and my tired jokes.

They are veterans of wars.  Of course they know trauma and darkness.

Here’s the thing:  Knowing this, and actually seeing this in a veteran’s eyes are two different things.

But you know what?  Whatever the hell they’ve been through– they all carry themselves with such honor and strength.  That is also something to see.   It makes me proud of them and our country.   I know am a better person because of what I see.

I can not wait until I return for another chance to honor them for keeping us all free.

I feel truly alive in their presence.

]]> http://www.PamSaulsby.com/index.php/2009/03/12/the-eyes-of-veterans/feed/ 0 http://www.PamSaulsby.com/index.php/2009/02/22/from-3-to-13/ http://www.PamSaulsby.com/index.php/2009/02/22/from-3-to-13/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:36:49 +0000 Pam Saulsby http://www.PamSaulsby.com/?p=142

"There is a place for you if you want to step out and leave "comfort city."

–Unknown

Yesterday I had a full out rehearsal with Moment’s Notice for the upcoming gig at the Irregardless Cafe in Raleigh on Saturday night.

It was a time to work out the beginning and endings of the songs– uber important.  It was also a time to get some things straight as to the number of songs I’d be singing and the start and end times for my part in the show.

Let me say first, that I am really looking forward to singing.  There’s a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach because this is the first time in a long time that I did not have full control over what was going on. There are times the musicians will be looking for guidance from me and there will be times when it will be the other way around.

Vocalists who are accustomed to working with musicians work all that out over time, I am sure.  I expect to do more of these little engagements with Moment’s Notice, so the good thing is the knowing, this uncomfortable/nervous energy won’t live there in my gut for long.

So, back to the rehearsal. Scratch that.  I need to go back a little farther.

I received an email from the leader of the band about my joining them— I’d been ask to show up a little later in the night– when the diners turn to dancers.  The tables and chairs are relocated in the small restaurant to allow for the shaking of feathers.

After the email, I begin to think of the songs I’d rehearsed with the band, and responded.  I submitted 3 songs I’d be comfortable singing with the group.  They were:  SMOOTH OPERATOR, BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE, and DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS .  I was fine with that– sit in, get in, get out- and call it a night.

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.

The big thinking here was that I would close out the late show with the band… that I would sing all the songs I had rehearsed in the Fall when we were preparing to perform at a fund-raiser for an organization that works to stop domestic violence.

One of the musicians noticed a strange look on my face when this was all explained to me. He called it slight, but he read it.  I was willing, but not thrilled.

I told them I’d was alright with the rundown… but that I would not sing all night. I would do one set, and then let them finish out.  That comes about 13 songs for your girl… up from 3!  I’m cool. Everybody was good with that.

So, we rehearsed.  After nearly 3 hours we’d run through my songs, and talked them out. Everybody’s on the same page.

The guitar man did catch me, though. That every so subtle change in my eyes and lips. I was caught off balance.

I am still unsettled.  There was no mention of money…  the worth of my time and talent.  I said nothing that day.

It really amazes and disturbs me, that this is a way business is done, or not done in the music world.

Saying nothing yesterday, does not mean I’ll have nothing to say later.

It was a breathing exercise being taught to me by the teacher in a new voice coaching class that I’ve put myself in to, at a Triangle school of higher learning. Cryptic enough?

It didn’t help at all that the session was scheduled for ten o’clock in the morning– a time when my brain is still a little on the fuzzy side, what with working the night shift.

Simply put, I didn’t learn the lesson.

It was apparently detected that I have a "breathing" problem– something that I really thought got handled successfully with previous coaches.

I got the feeling that I was starting from nothing, when in reality, I’ve had professional voice coaching for more than four years.

Certainly in first sessions, pupil and teacher are feeling each other out– getting to know each other– trying a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.  I get that.  In this situation, however, I felt there was fumbling from start to finish.

In short order, another set of eyes and ears appeared in the classroom.

I was instructed to sing some of the songs from my own sheet music.  Something was wrong.  The songs just did not sound the way I’ve come to know them.  The tempo was off, and there was no clear indication of when the vocals were to begin.

Just more fumbling.

Forget about a finish to the songs.. Not a single song was completed.  The pianist played the piano, and that was it.  All business– NO suggesions, NO guidance. NOTHING.

Is this just the awkward beginning of a beautiful new relationship? No.  I think I ventured into territory where I don’t belong.

You live, you learn.  These are things that make life interesting. That’s the bottom line to me.

I’m moving on, and I’m good with that.