A Self Review

"IF WE’RE GROWING, WE’RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE."

–JOHN MAXWELL

I am in a good position to blog about experiencing fear, and going on with the show anyway. Read on friends, and you’ll understand why.

I was out of my comfort zone Thursday night at the Durham Performing Arts Center.  The Triangle Community Foundation was celebrating its 25th anniversary that night. I was invited to open the program…  singing GOTTA BE THIS OR THAT , and GET HAPPY .  The latter song was one that I had NEVER sang in public. The former, I’d done once in my life.

I know there has to be a first time for everything..  But this was not the group to be in front of– "trying out" a song.

This particular audience included some of the big movers and shakers in the community.  Everyone who contributed to the anniversary celebration needed to bring his or her "A" game.  Don’t get this twisted:  I got through my two songs, and though I may have looked happy and gay.. I was not in reality moving and grooving with the greatest of ease and comfort.

That is a feeling I hope not to feel again any time soon.

Just before I was scheduled to take the spotlight.. I revealed to my accompanist and voice coach that I had forgotten some of the words to GET HAPPY during the rehearsal.  I told her it was the reason I left her hanging during one verse of the song.  I tried to play it off… said I did not hear my cue during the practice run.  She closed the door on me saying, "Forget your troubles."

So there was that .  Here’s something else that didn’t help:

The group of wonderful people I was supposed to entertain, sat up perfectly straight and and just stared at me.  They never clapped a hand, tapped a foot, or popped a finger during my performance. Not that I could see anyway.

Boy, I could have used that kind of support from somebody, anybody– but it was not to be.

So I danced between the tables.. Touched a few shoulders and ended up on the stage for the big finish to GET HAPPY.

I am happy that I got a warm round of applause and then later some fine fine compliments about my performance.

Many said they were stunned to find out that I sang, and perhaps that helps to explain some of the blank stares.

I don’t mind being outside my comfort zone… I get that that’s growth.  I just want to feel 100 percent comfortable with my songs when I sing, that’s all. Always.

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